You Are My Home

Last Monday (10-03-2014) the class had this one group presenting the material about sexual relationship in adulthood. This topic mostly revolves around the relationship between couples in marital life and how people deal with the issues rounding it. We all know being married is a significant choice to make in life and just thinking about what entails a marriage makes my thoughts go chaotic. I am, in many ways, not apt to have much say on this because of my age and lacking experience but I will nevertheless write down a few things about marriage in my opinion. First hand I would like to share with you some bits of what I learned in the class.

I used to wonder (and sometimes still do) how two people could stay together for such a long time. Are they happy with it? What would they do when they have grown tired of each other? Now that I learn better, I catch a few glimpses of what married couples probably do to keep their marriage a whole, especially in maintaining the sexual relationship when children is already in the frame. Unsurprisingly, it always comes back to communication.

What should people do to keep their sexual relationship well-maintained through the marriage? My lecturer, Bu Henny, enlightened us with a good reasonable explanation. Communicate our needs with our partner and listen to theirs. Make time so we and our spouse could have some fun activities together, including that activity that involves our sexual anatomies. Having children in the house might inevitably change the situation, but this must not put your sexual activity to a stop. Discuss with our partner how to sort things out and it will be better for the couple to schedule the sex. Setting a schedule doesn’t mean we are bound to be engaged in a sexual activity when we’re not even in the mood or when we’re tired to have some. If we are too tired, do neither force nor fake the situation. Tell our spouse how we feel and work it out with them. If it is not possible to have sex on that day, we still can be intimate with each other: laying or cuddling together is better than none at all.

Putting the sexual matter aside, marriage is a mix of emotional matters more than it is of physical ones’. I used to scoff when some say they are looking for a good heart in marrying someone, but now I find myself in the same boat with them. Although physical appearance is the first to catch the attention, those who know better know that this is not the touchstone. Physical appearance should not be the main thing to look for in a potential life-partner. People will age thus outer look may fade, but even if it may not fade, eventually humans with our tendency to grow bored easily will get in the way. I know why I must marry the one who has a good heart. It is so when I get tired of them, all I need is to take some time alone to realize and appreciate all the good deeds they always do. The goodness in their character is something that my marriage can count on to; something that I know for sure will keep me coming back to them, no matter how upset they make me be. Hereby what the movie character Rita Thornton said in The Vow (2012), “I chose to stay with him for all the things he had done right and not to leave him for the one thing that he had done wrong.”

Marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime, isn’t it? That’s why we need to be selective in choosing with whom we want to spend the rest of our life with. I would like to think that having faith in marriage is a privilege that not everyone could afford, because the fact is you need more than “love” to keep your sanity in marriage. Yes, people marry each other because of love. Love settles people down in marriage but respect, trust, friendship, and commitment are what keeping a marriage alive. If I am to say, I would say that marriage goes beyond the classic happy-ever-after notion. Marriage is a struggle because it is worth the hard-work. It is way more than the declaration of vow to love each other eternally, living under the same roof, and having children together; you and I both know we don’t need to be legally married to do all those things. Being married is a choice of yours, not of your parents’ or society’s. Do not marry just because you’re now 30 years old. Marry, because you know this is the person that you love to work on things with.

This photo was taken by me in 2011.
I was looking through a magazine and by chance read an interesting interview.

Marriage is about being committed to be someone’s life partner and having that commitment kept. Marriage means there are more personal cards opened on the table, seeing many other sides of your spouse---the good and the bad---that you’ve had never seen before and trying to accept each other in the best way. Marriage means doubting the situation you’ve gotten yourself into; questioning yourself why you ever married this person in the first place yet you can’t stand the possibility of them marrying anyone else but you. Marriage means being a taken by the whole marriage life issues and arguing a hell of a lot because you want to fight for the happiness you both deserve. Marriage means choosing to stay through a lot of wrecks because at the end of the day you could see them, as confused and frustrated as you are, still trying to work on things with you.  

I think to myself, now that I am still young and fit; that I couldn’t care less about getting married moreover being committed to someone for life. But I also can’t help wondering to the days when I will not look this youthful anymore and my joints start giving me hard times after doing some chores, I wonder just how nice it is to have found someone who knows how to keep me on my toes, someone who will not run for hills when they found my many many flaws, someone whom I could call to help me pick up some eggs or medicines on their way back home, someone I could share my day with, someone I know I could rely on, and foremost, someone I could go home to.

I could go blabbering on this forever but we know it’s not wise, so thank you for keeping up with me.

Knick-Knack on Sex

  Never had I ever thought that someday I would talk about penis, vagina, sex, orgasm and foreplay all at the same time on the internet but *tadaaaa* here I am doing exactly it.

  Oooookay *squeaky voice*, so it was an interesting class I had on last Monday (17-02-2014), the topic was gloriously captioned “Sexual Orientation and Sex Anatomy”, uh huh. We will going to talk about sex and the gang A LOT here, so for those of you who are: 1. Under-age, or 2. having sensitive-closed mind, please kindly stop reading because I don’t want to be accused of corrupting pure stainless souls: THIS IS A FRIENDLY FOREWARNING. Now let’s get on with it, shall we?

 Hal pertama yang diterangkan oleh dosen saya adalah pengertian dari Orientasi Seksual, yang berarti pola ketertarikan secara seksual, romantis, dan emosional terhadap suatu gender (laki-laki, perempuan, atau laki-laki dan perempuan). Melalui orientasi seksual ini kita mengenal konsep heteroseksual (ketertarikan antara dua orang yang memiliki jenis kelamin berbeda), homoseksual (ketertarikan antara dua orang yang memiliki jenis kelamin yang sama, misal: gay dan lesbian), dan biseksual (ketertarikan seorang individu terhadap kedua jenis kelamin secara seksual: bisa tertarik dengan laki-laki dan juga bisa tertarik dengan perempuan). I’m not going to say much about this but if there’s one thing I know for sure: things are not black and white when it comes to love and sex. Both are universal. There you go (if you catch my drift).

  Sejujurnya saya pusing sekali mencari kata-kata yang tepat untuk menulis mengenai topik sensitif semacam seks, namun saya tidak mau menyerah hanya karena kesulitan bodoh yang semuanya berdinding dan ber-atap kata tabu (taboo). Seks seharusnya tidak menjadi sesuatu yang memalukan atau tabu untuk dibicarakan. Justru sebetulnya seks menjadi terasa memalukan karena tidak pernah dibicarakan secara terbuka dan jelas. Sebelum saya mulai membahas seks, saya ingin berbagi mengenai apa yang saya pelajari tentang anatomi seksual (organ seks) di kelas Perilaku Seksual minggu lalu. 

cited from an article in thoughtcatalog by Charlie Morrigan, "The 69 Greatest Quotes About Sex".

  Anatomi seksual yang paling populer adalah penis dan vagina. Penis merupakan organ seksual pada laki-laki sedangkan vagina merupakan organ seksual pada wanita. Menurut saya, keduanya menjadi yang paling populer karena mereka adalah organ yang paling aktif digunakan untuk berkembang biak. Padahal banyak organ seksual penting lainnya yang ikut berkontribusi dalam proses tersebut. Saya tidak akan membahas sampai terlalu mendetil secara biologis, namun saya lebih ingin bicara mengenai aplikasi dan pemanfaatan dari beberapa anatomi seksual lain yang kurang mendapat sorotan *grin and smirk*.

  Pada intimate-area wanita, terdapat 3 lubang : lubang kemih (urethra), vagina, dan anus. Lubang kemih merupakan lubang saluran pembuangan air kecil (men don’t put their penis into this hole), vagina merupakan saluran pengeluaran darah menstruasi dan saluran untuk berkembang biak (this is the hole man puts his penis into), dan anus merupakan lubang saluran pembuangan feses (and sometimes this is also the hole man puts his penis into, that we come with the term ‘anal sex’, yet it's unusual and I’m not going to talk about anal sex any further). It could be surprising at times but believe it or not, some people have this pathetic concept that vagina and urethra are the same hole. No honey, no, women don't bleed and pee from the same hole.  

this picture is taken from Google.

  Vagina dilindungi oleh pubic hair dan labia (labia major dan minor seperti yang ada pada gambar). Pubic hair tidak seharusnya dipangkas rata, pubic hair boleh dirapikan (trimming) namun tidak boleh digunduli karena ia ikut berperan sebagai pelindung vagina. Dosen saya juga berpesan bagi para wanita untuk tidak perlu menggunakan sabun khusus daerah kewanitaan karena justru sabun ini akan membunuh ‘kuman baik’ yang sebetulnya berfungsi untuk menjaga sistem imun organ intim.  

  Klitoris terdiri dari satu daerah bulat atau kepala, disebut kelenjar, dan bagian yang lebih panjang, disebut batang, yang memiliki bentuk-bentuk cekungan mirip dengan yang dipunyai penis. Jaringan dari labia minor biasanya menutupi batang klitoris. Satu-satunya bagian dari klitoris yang dapat dilihat langsung adalah kelenjarnya, yang terlihat seperti kancing kecil berkilat. Ukuran dan bentuknya berbeda-beda pada setiap wanita. Ada banyak sekali saraf dalam klitoris dan di daerah sekitarnya. Hal ini menjadikan area klitoris sebagai organ yang sangat sensitif terhadap rangsang sentuhan.

  Klitoris tidak sama dengan G-spot. G-spot merupakan organ seksual internal pada wanita. Titik ini terletak sekitar 1 - 2 inci di dalam vagina dan lokasinya berbeda pada masing-masing wanita. The G spot is very sensitive and swells during sexual excitement, which is why it brings women to orgasm when the man has it hit from the right angle.

  Pada laki-laki, lubang kemih (urethra) merupakan saluran pembuangan air kecil dan juga sekaligus merangkap saluran pengeluaran semen (cairan sperma) saat ejakulasi. Saluran urethra terdapat di dalam penis. Penis tidak sama dengan testis. Penis merupakan organ seksual yang berbentuk batang (memanjang dan memendek tergantung pada suhu atau rangsangan seksual). Testis (testicles) merupakan kelenjar kelamin jantan. Laki-laki mempunyai dua testis yang dibungkus dengan skrotum (my opinion: like a sack with two walnuts in it). Pada testis ini sperma dan hormon seksual dihasilkan. Testis juga sangat sensitif terhadap rangsang sentuhan. 

Now we get down to the real deal. Talking about sex is as quite the same thing as talking about love. Both are wonderfully captivating topics to discuss, but they are not anywhere near as easy as any other topic is. I could try to explain sexuality or love in a million ways but still not catching the right drop. Thus I humbly ask you to try to read and comprehend my writing with an open willing mind. I really appreciate an open mind, I do.

First thing first, virginity is something that each person has a right to control over each own. It is about being given, not taken. As an individual, each of us has all the rightful access to our own body and how we’re going to treat it. What I’m emphasizing here is do what makes you truly happy. You own yourself so make sure you own something worth keeping. If you want to explore your sexuality in the series of raging rampant ways then by all means go ahead. If you want to save your virginity for marriage then by all means keep it. A little note tho: Lass, don’t spread your legs for every man. Lads, don’t collect notches on bedpost for fun. You don’t want to catch STDs, do you?

Some facts about the famous virginal hymen (selaput dara): 1. Setiap perempuan memiliki tipe selaput yang berbeda: ada yang tebal dan ada yang tipis. Konsep bahwa keperawanan konon ditandai dengan pecahnya selaput dara sesungguhnya bukan parameter yang valid. Perempuan dengan selaput dara yang tipis dapat dengan mudah kehilangan selaput dara-nya saat ia terjatuh atau memanjat. Kembali lagi ke masing-masing pribadi, apakah itu keperawanan (virginity)? Isn’t it over-rated? Apakah keperawanan ditandai dengan selaput dara yang utuh atau sebetulnya lebih kepada seorang perempuan yang belum melakukan seks willingly di luar nikah? 2. Pecahnya selaput dara saat melakukan sexual intercourse pertama kali dirumorkan sebagai suatu pengalaman yang menyakitkan. But the fact is it won’t hurt as much as people make it out to be IF your foreplay is satisfying and accommodating. The vagina is elastic: so if a woman is stimulated and relaxed enough, her cavern will enlarge and lubricate itself. It only takes easing up and creating the mood to hit a home-run.

Seks dibedakan menjadi oral sex, anal sex, dan sexual intercourse. Oral sex meliputi aktivitas seksual dengan memberikan stimulasi alat kelamin pasangan seks dengan menggunakan mulut, lidah, gigi atau tenggorokan. Oral seks yang dilakukan pada wanita oleh pria disebut cunnilingus sedangkan pada pria oleh wanita disebut fellatio (blowjob). Anal sex adalah ketika terjadi penetrasi penis ke dalam anus, sementara anilingus merupakan pemberian stimuli rangsangan di bagian anus. Penetrasi ke dalam lubang vagina atau anus bisa dilakukan dengan penis, jari (fingering), dan sex toys. Oral seks biasanya dilakukan sebagai an act of foreplay. 

Sexual intercourse merupakan hal yang berbeda dari segala jenis seks di paragraf sebelumnya. Pada sexual intercourse, penis melakukan penetrasi ke dalam lubang vagina dengan tujuan memenuhi kepuasan seksual atau/dan reproduksi. This is called ‘intercourse’ because it is supposed to be an act of bonding between individuals, both emotionally and physically in pleasure. Yet we know nowadays some things aren’t the way they used to be. 

Lastly, COMMUNICATE it with your partner. As it is with relationship or even friendship, sex is also a two-way thing. Tell them which spot you love having it touched and which you don’t. Listen to their preferences as well. Work your way through it folks, if sex is anything it would be first and always an enhancer. Don’t you worry ladies and gents! Get to know your intimate areas better and they will take care of you.

P.S. I thank God the Almighty for my parents having neither the knowledge on how to access the internet nor the need to learn how, or else they would find their youngest daughter, openly talking and encouraging people to embark on the exploration of the righteous journey on SEX, ha! But for real, yes, I do think you should start pacing down the path.

Hasta la Vista, thank you for keeping up with me.