You Are My Home

Last Monday (10-03-2014) the class had this one group presenting the material about sexual relationship in adulthood. This topic mostly revolves around the relationship between couples in marital life and how people deal with the issues rounding it. We all know being married is a significant choice to make in life and just thinking about what entails a marriage makes my thoughts go chaotic. I am, in many ways, not apt to have much say on this because of my age and lacking experience but I will nevertheless write down a few things about marriage in my opinion. First hand I would like to share with you some bits of what I learned in the class.

I used to wonder (and sometimes still do) how two people could stay together for such a long time. Are they happy with it? What would they do when they have grown tired of each other? Now that I learn better, I catch a few glimpses of what married couples probably do to keep their marriage a whole, especially in maintaining the sexual relationship when children is already in the frame. Unsurprisingly, it always comes back to communication.

What should people do to keep their sexual relationship well-maintained through the marriage? My lecturer, Bu Henny, enlightened us with a good reasonable explanation. Communicate our needs with our partner and listen to theirs. Make time so we and our spouse could have some fun activities together, including that activity that involves our sexual anatomies. Having children in the house might inevitably change the situation, but this must not put your sexual activity to a stop. Discuss with our partner how to sort things out and it will be better for the couple to schedule the sex. Setting a schedule doesn’t mean we are bound to be engaged in a sexual activity when we’re not even in the mood or when we’re tired to have some. If we are too tired, do neither force nor fake the situation. Tell our spouse how we feel and work it out with them. If it is not possible to have sex on that day, we still can be intimate with each other: laying or cuddling together is better than none at all.

Putting the sexual matter aside, marriage is a mix of emotional matters more than it is of physical ones’. I used to scoff when some say they are looking for a good heart in marrying someone, but now I find myself in the same boat with them. Although physical appearance is the first to catch the attention, those who know better know that this is not the touchstone. Physical appearance should not be the main thing to look for in a potential life-partner. People will age thus outer look may fade, but even if it may not fade, eventually humans with our tendency to grow bored easily will get in the way. I know why I must marry the one who has a good heart. It is so when I get tired of them, all I need is to take some time alone to realize and appreciate all the good deeds they always do. The goodness in their character is something that my marriage can count on to; something that I know for sure will keep me coming back to them, no matter how upset they make me be. Hereby what the movie character Rita Thornton said in The Vow (2012), “I chose to stay with him for all the things he had done right and not to leave him for the one thing that he had done wrong.”

Marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime, isn’t it? That’s why we need to be selective in choosing with whom we want to spend the rest of our life with. I would like to think that having faith in marriage is a privilege that not everyone could afford, because the fact is you need more than “love” to keep your sanity in marriage. Yes, people marry each other because of love. Love settles people down in marriage but respect, trust, friendship, and commitment are what keeping a marriage alive. If I am to say, I would say that marriage goes beyond the classic happy-ever-after notion. Marriage is a struggle because it is worth the hard-work. It is way more than the declaration of vow to love each other eternally, living under the same roof, and having children together; you and I both know we don’t need to be legally married to do all those things. Being married is a choice of yours, not of your parents’ or society’s. Do not marry just because you’re now 30 years old. Marry, because you know this is the person that you love to work on things with.

This photo was taken by me in 2011.
I was looking through a magazine and by chance read an interesting interview.

Marriage is about being committed to be someone’s life partner and having that commitment kept. Marriage means there are more personal cards opened on the table, seeing many other sides of your spouse---the good and the bad---that you’ve had never seen before and trying to accept each other in the best way. Marriage means doubting the situation you’ve gotten yourself into; questioning yourself why you ever married this person in the first place yet you can’t stand the possibility of them marrying anyone else but you. Marriage means being a taken by the whole marriage life issues and arguing a hell of a lot because you want to fight for the happiness you both deserve. Marriage means choosing to stay through a lot of wrecks because at the end of the day you could see them, as confused and frustrated as you are, still trying to work on things with you.  

I think to myself, now that I am still young and fit; that I couldn’t care less about getting married moreover being committed to someone for life. But I also can’t help wondering to the days when I will not look this youthful anymore and my joints start giving me hard times after doing some chores, I wonder just how nice it is to have found someone who knows how to keep me on my toes, someone who will not run for hills when they found my many many flaws, someone whom I could call to help me pick up some eggs or medicines on their way back home, someone I could share my day with, someone I know I could rely on, and foremost, someone I could go home to.

I could go blabbering on this forever but we know it’s not wise, so thank you for keeping up with me.